SOME MEMOIRS -- by John Ray
Some occasional personal notes from a quiet life...

Etty Bay

19th June, 1995

A Moment in Time -- at KFC!

Life is very transitory and most people wish at some time that a particular good moment could last forever. Nobody can make that happen but it seems to me that the next best thing might be to record in writing a record of that odd particularly good moment so that at least some impression of it might last.

Biography seems generally to be about big events with impressions of fleeting events left to novels. But life is made up of fleeting events so perhaps the entire approach of normal biography is wrong. Maybe we should record more fleeting events and impressions. Anyway, let me attempt to record one such trivial, fleeting occasion.

It was Monday 19th June, 1995 at around 9am and I was in Kentucky Fried Chicken at Annerley having breakfast (bacon, eggs and sausages followed by pancakes with maple syrup and orange juice). I was sitting by a window looking out at greenery with a roadway running through it. So there was the repose of nature plus the vibrancy of the city both suggested in the view.

It was a beautiful, clear, sunny winter's day of the sort that makes most people feel good. A light breeze, golden sunshine and a cloudless blue sky. It was quite cold by Brisbane standards but I was rugged up enough to feel quite warm. I was on my own -- which is rather typical -- but as well as really enjoying my breakfast I was thinking about the night before.

I was thinking of being in bed with Carol Ward and thinking of how good that was. She had a great figure with large breasts and I was thinking of the flush around her neck and face when she came.

The scene, the day, the food and the memory were perfect and I couldn't help feeling pretty pleased with how well I was doing in my 52nd year of life. With plenty of money for what I want, reasonable health, no real worries, interesting hobbies and all my time my own, I certainly had little to complain about.

My relationship with Carol broke down soon after that in July but it was good while it lasted

3 September, 1995

Meeting big Kath

The highlight of 1995 for me was my meeting Big Kath. I met her on Sunday 3rd Sept., 1995 at 10.30 am. I was aged 50. She had placed a "Personal" advertisement in a singles circular called "Possibilities" describing herself as a "6' Amazon lady". Liking tall women as I do, I had to reply, though I felt at the time that a 6' woman would be unlikely to find me of interest as tall women are generally fanatical about not going out with men who are shorter than themselves.

I wrote to her in May but she took until September to ring me. We met in the Mall in central Brisbane, had a cup of tea there at Jimmy's cafe and then went for a walk in the Botanical gardens. It must have been less than an hour after we had met that we had a passionate kiss (in the Botanical gardens) and then walked with our arms around one-another through Brisbane to Central Railway Station -- outside which we had another very passionate and obviously public kiss: Not bad for people at our stage in life, when new relationships generally seem hard to form! I was soon very much in love with her, in fact.

She had already been married and divorced three times when I met her. Both her children were from her first marriage. I seem to recollect that she mostly lived in Lithgow during her first marriage.

After her first marriage broke up, she had spent nine years as a member of the Army Transport Corps -- where she reached the exalted rank of Corporal! Her duties in the Army were mainly clerical -- she arranged Army travel -- but she did various courses and also became a qualified weapons instructor!

Things that I liked about her were: The fact that we had most attitudes in common -- including a liking for classical music; the strong animal attraction between us and the resultant rather animalistic times we had in bed, that she is (in fact) 5'10 1/2" tall and strongly built; her erect military bearing, her classically female figure and her long red hair and green eyes. She is a very attractive woman in almost every way and is in fact very close in size and shape to Elle Macpherson -- one of the world's most photographed women. Most people took her for being at least ten years younger than she in fact was.

Amusingly, Kath and I are not only exactly the same height but we also have the same hat, shoe and glove size, eat exactly the same amount at mealtime and weigh almost the same. She even fits perfectly into my dinner jacket and trousers! I am a lot bigger around the waist than she is but she has a bigger bum.

Amusingly, despite her size and tomboyish image, Kathryn has typically feminine arachnophobia. I came into her room once to find her lying virtually paralysed in her bed because there was a big (but harmless) huntsman spider on the wall opposite her. It ran onto a picture frame as I walked in so I just took the frame off the wall and walked out carrying the said spider -- which I then deposited harmlessly in the garden. I do not usually kill things if I can help it -- cockroaches and mosquitoes excepted. Kathryn thought I was very brave to walk out carrying something that had a big brown spider running around on it! Horrors!

We had a very modern start to our relationship in that Kath insisted that we both be tested for AIDS before we slept together. So we went into the VD clinic and had tests for all of the STDs. We discovered however that it would take two weeks for the test results to become available, which was too long to wait altogether. So we decided to sleep together that night anyway using condoms. As soon as we got into bed together, however, all thoughts of condoms were forgotten!

Our relationship had lots of dramas almost from the start with virtually weekly upsets between us but less than three weeks after we met she had moved into Forest St to live with me. Pretty good going for both of us! On 4th October she agreed to marry me -- one month and one day after we first met. We also set the wedding date for just about as soon as possible -- 10th November

Kath being so full of jollity most of the time we had a lot of laughs. I have seen the results of some IQ testing she did and she scored quite highly generally but was pulled down by an atypically low score on verbal IQ. She does tend to mix up her words a bit and I think that she is in fact mildly dyslectic.

On another occasion when I booked a motorized Gondola (from Breakfast Creek) to take the two of us for a ride and dinner on the Brisbane river, she got dressed and went out in my black dinner jacket and trousers with the white torsolette underneath and NO blouse. With black high heels on she was quite a vision on that occasion too. She looked far better in my dinner outfit than I ever could! She looked particularly good in high heels not only because she had long legs but also because she was so tall already. Having someone so tall in heels made it very obvious that it was all done for fun and titillation. The heels nearly tripped her when she got into the Gondola, however.

Kathy loves boats so the Gondola ride with its private seafood dinner was just about the ultimate turn-on for her. I did as a result have a very loving long body in my arms in that Gondola.

The wedding was in St Paul's Anglican Church at Ipswich and went off very well except for the 38 degree heat. We had the original 1562 Anglican prayerbook service, which was great fun.

Marrying Kathryn 1995

We spent our wedding night in a big two bedroomed air-conditioned apartment overlooking the river at Dockside and we both had a great time in bed that night. A bridegroom is supposed to feel that he is the happiest man in the world on his wedding night and I certainly did.

We had a very good breakfast the morning after in the restaurant at the Treasury casino too. The honeymoon was a week in Cairns. It was a bit stressful as she chose the first day of the honeymoon to give up smoking. We practically split up the first day as she was extremely tense and distant towards me. I put it down to nicotine deprivation, however, and we seemed to get over that hump OK. While we were up North, I took Kathy to see Etty Bay outside Innisfail and told her that it was my favourite place in all the world.

Shortly after we got back to Brisbane, however, she became quite irrationally hostile towards me. She seemed to want me to shut up and just pay the bills. That is more or less how her mother treats her father and she seemed to want to recreate the same sort of relationship with me. I am no saint, however, so would not abide that at all. I knew all along that she was fairly neurotic (which means that she over-responds emotionally to almost everything) but thought that I could deal with it. I was wrong.

What she finally walked out over (just three weeks after the wedding!) was fairly trivial but that is how neurotics are. She felt that I was "putting her down" in a remark I made -- even though I had no such intention. I would hardly want to put down the woman I loved!

Kathy and I did get together briefly a couple of times after we split up. One of those occasions was when she invited me to attend her graduation ceremony for a training course she had done. I went and it turned out that she had trained as a Prison Officer -- for guard work in a MEN'S prison (Borallon). She had to train in unarmed combat, riot control etc -- and passed! She was the only female in the course but still did well. Not bad for a grandmother! She always was an athlete, of course.

Anyway she was very friendly with me and went around arm in arm with me introducing me as her husband. She looked pretty good in her uniform and it was great to have my arm around that big body again. She soon got cross with me again, however, so we obviously just could not understand one-another. I always loved seeing her, however.

Most people would probably see my brief marriage to Kathryn as something of a disaster but I think of it fondly as one of the best experiences I have had. Why? Largely, I guess, because Kathryn was physically my ideal woman. I absolutely loved her looks. Just being with her turned me on. And having lots of mind-blowing sex with your goddess is pretty hard to beat as a life-experience. Most men do NOT get to marry their physical ideal. I did!

During our time together, she did often seem to love me and she certainly loved our sexual relationship. Even after our splitup, she once said to me: "I really loved you, you know." And I believe her.

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