From John Ray's shorter notes
July 14, 2015
Feminist "hero" who publicly shamed a Tinder date for voicing his body-type preference is a hypocrite. Women are just as vocal
The man criticized below was condemned simply for being honest. A sad thing. He was even honest in a polite sort of way. And if she can swingeingly condemn the man surely that leaves her open to criticism too: I think she is a bitch with an inflated ego. She is also fat. So I agree with the comments below by Peter Lloyd. Some further comments, however:
Chubby is not sexy to either men or women and chubbies of both sexes need to get over that. If you don't like your limited chances with the opposite sex you have to reduce your food intake; it's as simple as that. Not easy but simple.
And just as many men ignore flat chested women as potential partners, so many women ignore short men. Ask any short man! Short men often report feeling quite invisible. And, perhaps sadly, no amount of complaint will alter that. (To forestall "ad hominem" comments, I am 5'10")
If you are in a disadvantaged category, you just have to deal with it. Short men and fat women work harder at relationships and that usually gets them someone, even if that someone also falls short of some ideal. A combination I have sometimes seen is a very rotund woman with a skinny but very scrubby man -- JR
Michelle Thomas was hailed a feminist hero for criticising a Tinder date who rejected her because of her size.
The 30-year-old, from Crystal Palace, London, went public when her online suitor discontinued their courtship because, physically speaking, she wasn't his type.
In a Dear John letter which has since stormed the internet, the unnamed man wrote:
'I really enjoyed your company and actually adore you. 'You're cheeky and funny and just the sort of girl I would love to go out with if only my body and mind would let me. But I fear it won't. 'I'm not going to bull***t you... I think you're the prettiest looking girl I've ever met. But my mind gets turned on by someone slimmer.'
But her response reinforced the odd, unwritten rule that women can say whatever they want about sexual desire and attraction, but men can't.
Venting through her blog, she claimed his behaviour was somehow 'body shaming' and 'objectifying' the female form, but, sorry sisters, I disagree.
Yes, fair enough, he wasn't being diplomatic or sensitive, which, as Prince would say, is sadly a sign o' the times, but in an age of over-opinionated people who constantly over-share, this is the new normal.
In fact, the only thing he's truly guilty of is having an honest opinion about women - one that isn't deemed 'on message' by the sisterhood - and actually voicing it.
Even former Deputy PM, John Prescott - a man who was battling bulimia at the time - was publicly humiliated by mistress Tracey Temple when their affair surfaced. She said his penis was like 'a cocktail sausage'. Classy!
Sadly, this isn't rare. Turn on any TV or film, listen to any song lyric, and you'll soon hear something similar.
Then there's website TubeCrush which pervs, and rates, unwitting men on the London Underground, while new dating app Lulu has caused controversy for encouraging women to shame men who give them 'bad dates'. Complete with pictures.
Even on a day-to-day basis I hear women say how they've dumped their latest man because he wasn’t tall, handsome or fit enough. The same women who, while asserting that a woman's size and shape doesn't matter, judge their boyfriends on the bulge in both their wallet and trousers.
The big difference, however, is that most men are too polite to ever go into detail. Especially directly. 'Does my bum look big in this?' 'Of course not,' we say.
Ironically, talking to Femail about the furore, Michelle said how pleased she was that many of her blog respondents were men who'd shared her letter with their sons – presumably to teach them about sensitivity and politeness with women. And that's great.
My point, however, is that perhaps they should refer their daughters to this article, too. After all, it was women who started this pathological honesty about men's bodies, so - as long as it continues - the yin to their yang will always be considered fair game. And, although it's sad, it's the world we live in.
Go to John Ray's Main academic menu
Go to Menu of longer writings
Go to John Ray's basic home page
Go to John Ray's pictorial Home Page
Go to Selected pictures from John Ray's blogs